mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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