i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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