By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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