Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
