i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were trust falling into bushes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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