I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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