As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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