i would one night stand the shit outta him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
