i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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