I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
