One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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