I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
