I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
