I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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