we're blogging at a bar
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
