Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I didn't shave. On purpose
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
