I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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