I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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