There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
