Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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