Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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