Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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