pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sobbing to NWA
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
