sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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