Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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