So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
