Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
