We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
