I hope mine doesn't look like that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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