dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
