my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
