I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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