You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
