Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
