I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
