Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
