apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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