oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
