I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
