I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
