He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
