Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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