Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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