Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
