I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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