I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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