masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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