I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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