And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
