There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
