exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
