I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
