A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
