i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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