Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize