Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
