well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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