my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She bit a glass in half.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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