and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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