Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
