I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found puke in my bra..
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
