i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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