I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
