could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
