he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
