The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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