In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I could make wine with my vomit
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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