I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
