The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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