I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
