anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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