She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
