So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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