I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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