East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
