Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
