Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
